


Straw

by marginaliana



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: ″There is straw,″ James said, ″in places that God has almost certainly not intended straw to be.″





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this recent pic from the Grand Tour in California](http://68.media.tumblr.com/bd448f9fe6b081563af81b2a62346834/tumblr_oe4jhobzUx1qexx5po2_1280.jpg).

″There is straw,″ James said, ″in places that God has almost certainly not intended straw to be.″ He flicked a bit of loose chaff off the hay bale that he was sitting on. 

″Are you questioning the wisdom of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?″ Jeremy said, slumping back and letting his head loll sideways. He had abandoned his blazer somewhere along the way and rolled up his sleeves in the heat; James couldn't quite stop himself from watching the play of late summer sunshine across the skin of Jeremy's forearms. 

The most amazing thing was, he didn't have to stop himself, not now that the intern with the camera had gone and it was just the three of them.

″I mean, who are we to doubt God's placement of straw?″ Jeremy continued. ″Who are we to say that there isn't some grand straw-related plan? This is _America_.″ He was well into his 'I am talking just to hear the sound of my own voice' mode, which often happened after they'd spent a few hours filming. It wasn't as if Jeremy's on camera persona was significantly different from his off camera persona, but somehow he seemed to feel the need to work back to himself by talking, whereas James' preferred method was to stop talking about anything bar the essentials until he had himself straight again in his head. 

Of course, when Jeremy was being ridiculous, what counted as essential always took on a new definition.

″We are three men who are going to be pulling straw out of our arse cracks for the next three days, that's who,″ James said. ″Besides, I'm pretty sure that the straw was Wilman's idea, not Jesus'.″

″Mmm, point,″ Jeremy said. ″And to be honest, when I have occasion to shout the name of a deity, it's generally not 'Wilman.'″ He gave James a sly look from underneath his eyelashes. ″As well you know.″

″ _Please_ stop flirting with each other,″ Richard said, but he didn't move from his position half draped over a bale of hay, head downwards so that the sweat could drip down off the back of his neck into the dirt. ″It's nauseating.″

″Just because you're happiest sticking straw between your teeth and answering to the name of Billy Bob,″ Jeremy said. 

″And yet of the two of us, I think I'm probably the one putting the least objectionable thing in my mouth,″ said Richard.

″Oi!″ said James. He thumped the side of Richard's face with his knee, none too gently.

″Don't worry, James,″ said Jeremy. ″I shall defend the honor of your cock! To the death, if necessary.″

″I'm not sure you'd be much good to my cock if you were dead,″ said James, but he reached over and trailed his fingertips across Jeremy's knee, just lightly.

″Oh god,″ Richard said. ″Bleach, for Christ's sake, get me some brain bleach!″

″If there's one thing we've demonstrated about God in the last five minutes, it's that he almost certainly isn't listening,″ said James. ″Or else there would have been a couple of rare, cloudless lightning strikes just then.″

″Oh, I don't know,″ Jeremy said. ″Maybe he's just a fan. Maybe he's just waiting to off us until he can take human form and be one of the guest stars.″ He folded his hands into an exaggerated gesture of prayer and intoned, ″Dear Lord, if you send us to hell we'll never get to air that new film about the Aston and that would be a bloody shame, Amen,″ and Richard laughed so hard that he slid off the bales of hay into the dirt.


End file.
